Loud Tales
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: Here is a suggested Leni-centered story, and a retelling of the Bob's Burgers episode "The Gayle Tales". Three grounded siblings. One infuriated Lori. One dateless Leni. And an anthology where the Louds try to cheer up Leni.
1. Prologue

On a rainy day in Royal Woods, Michigan, the Louds are in there own errands for the day. Luan takes Lily for her latest birthday party gig as her infant assistant. Luna is performing at a café. Lisa is currently doing a keynote presentation in a Silicon Valley institution. Lana is on a camping trip with her dad. As for the rest, they are perfectly nestled in their own house. Lori is texting on the recliner. Lucy is reading another gothic book. But for some reason, Lincoln, Lynn and Lola are seated on the couch, stiff, motionless and blank. It is as if they were grounded or something. But that will soon come to fruition later.

"Shouldn't have said 'no' to Lana to come with her on the camping trip with dad. Bet she's having fun in the mud," Lola utters her presumption. In reality, Lana is resting inside her tent, recovering from colds from the rain, while Mr. Loud is tending to her care.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings repeated in hasty motion, as if someone is banging on the button.

"I'll get it," Lincoln says.

"No, I'll get it. You stay in the couch where you literally belong," Lori utters gravely as she marches to answer the door. As she opens, Lori sees Clyde holding a blown umbrella.

"Lori?!" Clyde utters. Standing a Lori's presence, the 11-year-old pulls out two pieces of tissue and plugs it to his nose. "Got that covered."

"What do you want Clyde?" Lori asks.

"No, not what I want, but what she needs," Clyde points to a soaked Leni, who tries to cling to her raincoat as the stormy winds sweep, and attempts to hold her tears failingly.

"Leni, what happened?" Lori asks in deep concern, and then takes her inside for warmth.

Seeing their sister soaked in rainwater, the Loud sisters (sans Lynn and Lola, who was stopped by Lisa) race to get a blanket and a hot cocoa.

"Oh thanks sisses, glad you made Leni warm again," Leni expresses her gratitude.

"I thought you were supposed to be on your date," Luna raises.

"I am. But my date didn't show up," Leni reveals in dismay, to the total shock of the siblings. "I know. Username hughnotgrant said he is free today, but I guess he is for sale. He might had sale away." Leni then mopes at this realization.

"That's a good one, Leni. Hahaha," Luan reacts to Leni's unintentional pun, much to the annoyance of her sisters. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Leni forgives Luan.

"Then why are you wet from the rain?" Lola inquires of her sister.

"She told me she waited for her blind date by the bus stop. But when it took her almost three hours, here she is now," Clyde shares.

"But why not wait for a bus and get home?" Lincoln brings up a concern. "You could have got sick or something. What were you even doing in the rain?"

Leni can only respond in jitter in slight embarrassment, recalling what she did that caused her to get soaked under the rain.

 _Flashback_

After Leni waited for her date ever since 3:00 PM (making her presume that she is waiting for 3 hours), rain poured to the city. Since her excitement got her out of the way, she decides to get home in dismay. Leni was truly looking forward for this date, as it was supposed to be the first time she had a blind date. She insisted on the guy to watch a musical, to which the guy responds with a resounding "yes". Thus, it is pretty much explainable why Leni would be disappointed on this. But along the way, she throws her tantrums and bursts her feelings through song.

"I am singing in the rain. I am singing in the rain. I am really really singing in the rain," Leni bellows through melody in a rather silly manner and in tap dance-ish choreography. "Here's to the fools who dream. Foolish as I may seem." She would dance and sing in the puddle like a little kid.

But, in sheer coincidence, Clyde is able to encounter her and wonders why Leni is acting crazily.

"Leni?" he utters in disbelief, which leads him to pull her out of the rain and under his umbrella, which got withered as they walk back home.

 _End of Flashback_

"There's no point on looking back at it," Leni sighs in hopelessness.

"It's okay, Leni. There will be a next time. I promise," Lincoln assures, trying to comfort his sister.

"Well, I guess it's me, myself and eye to watch the musical tonight," Leni sighs at this truth."

What musical?" Lucy asks."I think it is Grease. But I don't know if it is good or not 'cause it's grease."

"Oh. Adored the theater but I despise musicals," Lisa utters.

"Then how will you explain you watching _Frozen_? Or _Beauty and the Beast_?" Lana asks.

"I watched them with audience discretion and study," Lisa clarifies, "Also, I don't hate Frozen. I loathe it."

"Well, how can you literally watch your musical when it is raining cats and dogs outside?" Lori rings up her point.

"It's raining cats and dogs?!" Leni shrieks in misunderstanding.

"No Leni, it's not literally raining cats and dogs," Lori corrects her sister, "I am just asking that with a storm like this, and you soaked in rain, how can you watch a musical under this weather?"

And just as Lori reiterates her point, the rain suddenly stops and a clear night has fallen.

"That's kind of a miracle," Lincoln utters.

"Well, on my own to watch then," Leni concludes.

Then Lola right off approaches Leni and addresses something, "But Leni, since you have two tickets, and you're just gonna use one, might you wanna take someone with you, so the ticket cannot be wasted? Might you say me?"

But Lynn stops her by pushing her face away from Leni, getting the same idea as Lola's, "Nope Leni! Lola is inadequate to watch a musical."

"But I thought you hate musicals?" Leni asks for clarification.

"No, no," Lynn outright denies while she stops Lola at force, "I love musicals. I love…The _Sound of Basketballs_. Hehe."

Then Lincoln overpowers them and convinces Leni to bring him instead, "No, Leni. How about me? We're buddies, remember? You make me as your sewing assistant. I help you in your woodcarving. I even learn how to speak Leni from you. How about me instead?"

Sooner, Lola and Lynn take a notice at Lincoln competing against them. "Hey Lincoln, stop!" they coax him and make him join in the scuffle, creating a fight cloud.

Oblivious at what they are fighting against, Leni just reaches the ticket upon them. "Well, you guys should talk it out who gets to take the ticket," she suggests.

But Lori quickly stops her from such action. "Oh no, Leni. You don't wanna to literally do that," she says.

"Why not?" Leni replies.

"These three just want to get out from being grounded," Lori says, "And they better behave or they are literally getting it." After that, the elder Loud sister grabs Lincoln, Lynn and Lola by the collar of their shirts to stop them from their scuffle.

"But we're not, Lori. Promise," Lincoln says in their defense.

"Oh, don't go into your secret agendas, Lincoln. I know what your plan is, and you'll never literally dupe me this time," Lori retorts assertively, "Do you think you can just get away being grounded for pranking me?"

But Lincoln keeps intact of defending their case, "First of all, Lori, we apologized to you. Mom even heard me…or us. Second, I mean it shouldn't be a big deal." However, Lori frowns on this with a mean glare.

"How about if Clyde takes the ticket?" Lori proposes, "Wouldn't you, Clyde?"

"Me? Lori?" Clyde whimpers, triggering for him to nosebleed like a soda can that faints him. But the Louds just leave that off, since Clyde nosebleeding in front of them is pretty much normalcy for them, and they are aware he will get up eventually.

Lincoln then continues his defense, "Come on. And thirdly, this is not for us. Leni is alone and hopeless that her date didn't showed up. Might we give it a shot to accompany her?"

"Yeah Lori, give us a chance. We just want to help our dear sister and cheer her up," Lola agrees.

"And promise Lori, we won't get under your nerves, and you'll never hear from us pranking you ever again. Pinky swear," Lynn defends alongside them.

"They sound fair," Leni comments, "Should I give this to them?" Hearing her sister's suggestion, Lori does not take qualms on giving a chance to the three siblings who pranked her at the supermarket. But she then notices the helpless pleads from them – the cutesy pout face with the puppy-dog eyes.

"Fine," Lori declares, making Lincoln, Lynn and Lola cheer for joy, "Hold on. But you need to compete for this."

"Good! I'm good in competition!" Lynn utters.

But Lori clarifies, "Nah-ah. In a competition that you guys are not good at."

At that suggestion, the three whine about it.

"How's that even possible? How can we compete in something we're not good at?" Lola complains.

"So, to be fair for the three of you," Lori emphasizes. "Now, I just need to think of what contest I can give you guys."

Suddenly, Lucy appears behind her, seemingly gauging interest at the situation. "Mind if I suggest?" she opens up, shocking Lori at the instant.

"Will you stop doing that, Lucy?" Lori reacts, "And why won't you accompany Leni?"

"Silence is the orchestra that soothes me," Lucy

"Okay, what is it you have in mind?"

"How about we make them do an essay writing contest?" Lucy suggests.

But hearing her propose such a daunting task makes the three try to stop her. "No, Lucy, No! Anything but that!" they collectively persuade her.

"Hmmm you literally make a good thought," Lori responds, "So, it's an essay contest then."

"What?!" the three protest.

"Hey, you want this ticket? You better agree on this. Make a story essay on where Leni is the hero. What do you say…Leni?"

"Well, I like to listen to stories about Leni as the hero," Leni says, "Let's give it a try."

"Heard what she just said? An essay contest it is. Lucy here will be the literary checker/commentator, but Leni will be the final judge. She will decide which story is the best. And the one who has the best story will accompany Leni to atch Grease. What'd you say? Literally on this?"

While Lynn and Lola grumble on this prospect, Lincoln gets motivated since he is much of a story lover than the two. "Alright! Let's do this!" he excitingly utters.

For that within an hour, Lincoln, Lynn and Lola take time to write down their own story essay for Leni. Each of them is determined to overawe the other with their creative juices. Lynn and Lola do not have much creative writing exposure; so, it is no surprise that Lincoln is the one who finished first.

"Done!" Lincoln exclaims. Then for the next 15 minutes, Lola and Lynn follow along and slam their pen and paper on the table.

"Good, now let's hear your stories. Who gets to go first?" Lori initiates.

"I! I! I will go first!" Lincoln exclaims.

"Uhmm isn't literally the rule ladies first?"

"No, it's okay. I wanna hear Lincoln's story," Leni persists.

With that, Lincoln introduces his story in an overly elegant manner, "Good. Now, hear me on this Leni. Here's a story of a dreamer, you, who wishes to be the most glamorous star in Tinseltown. And there, she meets a charming, aspiring musician who changed her life and gave her a new view on her dreams. But as their love grew, will their dreams pull them apart? I give to you this girl's journey, 'La La Leni'…"


	2. La La Leni

**Strong disclaimer:**

 **This story is a direct spoof of the 2016 musical movie _La La Land_. So, there will be spoilers from the movie itself. If you wish not to be spoiled, I highly suggest that you see the movie first to get the plot elements here. If you still ought to continue, you are free to do so.**

 **Also, I do not own the movie or even the soundtrack. Lionsgate/Summit, Damien Chazelle and Justin Hurwitz does.**

 **And finally, _La La Land_ is a great movie. Definitely, my favorite of 2016**

* * *

 _It all begins in a magical place called Los Angeles…but starts in a typical American highway, where traffic is everywhere and everyone wants to sing out their frustrations and dance out on the car rooftops like flash mob dancers._

 _"I think about that way_

 _This moment must be romantic till the end of day_

 _However, tables turned when the ship I rooted for_

 _Never ended up forevermore_

 _So I scream at my car door_

 _And even if the haters go_

 _One thing we can agree to know_

 _The traffic sucks, the sun is hot_

 _This what we need_

 _A break from all the stress around_

 _What still lost has not been found_

 _Never mind the white house_

 _We can have that agreed_

 _Someday, traffic will just leave our sights_

 _And we can go free chasing stars_

 _But now, they'll let you down (It's one more traffic in the sun)_

 _The sun will turn us brown (It's one more traffic in the sun)_

 _The morning is a frown_

 _It's one more traffic in the sun_

 _It's one more traffic in the sun_

 _It's one more traffic in the sun_

 _It's one more traffic in the sun_

 _And my boss has just me shunned_

 _Another bummer just begun"_

 _Anyway, in the middle of the highway is aspiring actress Leni Dolan (whom Lincoln pictures as Cristina), who is fixing her facial makeup and rehearsing her lines for her next audition in town. She just got off work as a barista in a coffee shop called the Roasty Rab, where she constantly bumps onto customers with coffee on their hands. That's why she had not time preparing. She was so passionate about it preparing that she didn't mind the cars who are honking behind her._

 _When she arrives at the location of her audition, Leni gave out her fullest on saying her lines. "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we're cancelling the apocalypse!"_

 _However, the judges in her audition just ignored her by doing their own businesses, like one playing Candy Crush and one planning where she will take lunch. Just like that, her audition ended. Though Leni feels that she is destined for that opportunity, she glances on the other girls who are thinking of the same thing. Hollywood may have called her, but she did not know that Hollywood never chose her._

 _Feeling like a failure, Leni returns to her apartment, which she shares with her three friends Luna, Luan and Lynn, who are also actresses. She drops on her bed and mopes over a life-sized poster of Emma Watson. Seeing the poster makes her feel small in a town full of stars._

 _"How to be you Emma?" Leni mopes about it. "You were once a witch, now you're a…princess. How to be you?"Suddenly, Luan in a yellow dress bursts through the room, having heard of Leni's cries. "What's up Leni?"_

 _"Nothing. Just emoting. The Leni moment," Leni utters while sobbing._

 _"Oh, how did the audition went?"_

 _"It was…terrible."_

 _"Come on. It's not like that's only audition in LA."_

 _"I heard of an audition fail," Luna in a blue violet dress says as she enters from the door._

 _"Leni failed another audition," Luan says._

 _"Awww…girl, I know there are more chances out there. For now, let's have some fun," Luna insists._

 _"Oh dear, I feel like staying alone for now," Leni utters sadly._

 _Suddenly, Lynn in a red dress hurtles from the door and to the room. "Come on guys! Are we gonna party or what?"_

 _"Leni's going emo after her…audition," Luna tells Lynn about Leni, who is right now still moping._

 _"Come on. One audition didn't kill you. Come on!" Lynn enthusiastically persuades, "This may be your chance. Your destiny to live life or maybe…to find love. I even heard that JT is there." The girls then hoot on this fact._

 _"Guys, I have no time for love," Leni asserts._

 _"Come on, Leni. We believe you! Let's just have some fun!" the girls exclaim, then bolts out a song that fits their situation._

 _"There's a cute guy in the crowd_

 _He is the one you need to know_

 _There's a cute guy who wants to know you all around_

 _There's a cute guy in the crowd_

 _We think he's after what you will show_

 _Now take this moment, and you will be found_

 _It's not creepy all around"_

 _With Leni convinced and having dressed up in her green dress, the girls head to a party where they celebrate all night long with free-flowing drinks and pool jumps, like every typical Hollywood party. But Leni's not feeling the fun. She instead decides to go home by herself. Unfortunately, her car was towed away._

 _"Come on!" she bellows. With no other choice, she walks back to her apartment in a lonely Los Angeles night._

 _Suddenly, she comes across a restaurant where she hears a sweet tune being played in the piano. That tune is orchestrated by none other than the most charming jazz pianist in town, Sebastian Gosling (whom Lincoln envisions himself in the role but Leni and the girls imagine Hugh from the episode "Study Muffin" instead). Unfortunately, his boss, J. Lori Jameson, notices this and scolds at him by throwing a chair for not playing the right song._

 _"Were you playing or were you dragging?" Lori in her raspy, angry voice berates Sebastian._

 _"I was just…playing…a song," Sebastian answers._

 _"Whatever. Parker played better than you. You're fired!"_

 _"But it's Christmas."_

 _"I know. I see the decorations. We haven't taken them down yet. Good luck._

 _"And with that, Sebastian walks away. Leni tries to approach him but he throws a hissy fit by making her bump to his coffee._

 _"Oh come on! That was 50th time!" Leni wails, "Although, that's already an achievement." After which, she shrugs this off._

 _The next day, Leni attends another backyard party with her friends. Thankfully, that day was her off._

 _Some partygoers get their attention to Leni, but the dreamer is more drawn to the sights of the party, including a writer, a comedian and a cartoonist. Over there, Leni happens to comes across Sebastian, who is playing for a pop band who accepts requests from the audience. To catch his attention, Leni requests a song for them to perform._

 _"Are you sure about this request?" the band vocalist asks Leni._

 _"Oh really," Leni replies._

 _With this as the only option, the band plays "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley, much to the chagrin of the guests who threw tomatoes at them._

 _After that, Leni approaches Sebastian, who is wiping his from the torrent of tomatoes._

 _"Oh, sorry about that. Didn't know they hate the song," Leni says._

 _"Shouldn't you know why that song is hated?" Sebastian asks her, "You don't live under a rock, right?"_

 _"I just like the song."_

 _"Oh, okay. You're different, says the thousand talent scouts who are around in this sinkhole."_

 _"I am Leni."_

 _But Sebastian never replies anything._

 _"So, any plans after this?"_

 _"I will just go for a joyride."_

 _"Wanna go for a walk uphill? I know there's the magic hour. I bet it's lovely."_

 _"Seen that everyday. It's just people drinking."_

 _"Come on. Just to make it up to you from a while ago,"_

 _"I'd rather have tomatoes rain on me again than to stroll with you, crazy stalker…"_

 _"Leni."_

 _"Leni. Got that. Okay 'Leni', I'd walk alone."_

 _But nevertheless, after the party, Sebastian takes Leni for a walk._

 _"I still stand on my word," Sebastian says, "I'd rather have tomatoes rain on me."_

 _"You're so cynical. I like you."_

 _"Yeah, I doubt you will like me. So what brings you to the party?"_

 _"My friends happen to invite me there."_

 _"Ahh yes, the typical gold-digging friends."_

 _"They were hosts there."_

 _"Oh, still."_

 _"Maybe you're a gold digger yourself."_

 _"No, I am more of a jazz digger. I play jazz."_

 _"Oh yes, I heard you played jazz in that bar."_

 _"Don't make me remember that time."_

 _"Oh sorry. But you played good."_

 _"That I can take. It's a temporary gig. But what I wanna do is put up my own jazz club."_

 _"Aww. That's great."_

 _"I know but dreams will be dreams if I don't work on it. So, what you do?"_

 _"Well, I am a barista but I dream of becoming an actress."_

 _"Oh, so where's the break?"_

 _"It hasn't come yet."_

 _"You kidding me? With that stalky, beautiful face?"_

 _"You think I'm beautiful?"_

 _As the sun sets, the love rises. A spark came between our two heroes, even though they started as people hating each other. They gaze upon each other, and they know they just have to take the moment for romance to tap dance._

 _"Should we do a song?_

 _So this will last long?_

 _I think it's ide…al to the one_

 _For you, hon_

 _It's kind of romantic_

 _To do this love shtick_

 _Oh well, why we spend singing when we should go dancing_

 _Not a waste of running time"_

 _It all came out of nowhere. But their chemistry is pretty crystal clear that they just have to break in to dance. They know that they are meant to be._

 _And when they finish dancing, Sebastian utters, "I don't know. I just feel like we were meant to be. Can I take you dinner tomorrow? Or just the movies? What do you say?"_

 _Flattered by his invitation, Leni accepts it. "Of course…"_

 _"Sebastian," he clarifies._

 _"Right, Sebastian," Leni replies in a sweet, romantic tone._

 _From there, it becomes a love story that was meant to be. Sebastian frequently takes Leni on dates and gives her aud, while Leni starts to attend Sebastian's jazz gigs. A romance blooms over the two. And they know this is meant to be, and nothing can stop them now. That is until their problems rise._

 _At one of Sebastian's gigs, an entourage, led by a guy named Clyde Legend, who is a former colleague to Sebastian and currently a frontman for a rising pop group, approaches Sebastian with an offer in mind._

 _"My man, Sebastian, never knew I was gonna bump into you, bro," Clyde greets._

 _"Oh, Clyde. How's jazz club singing?" Sebastian replies._

 _"Jazz singing is so old school. I am turning to the future of music." Then one of Clyde's cronies brings out a laptop and plays a dance remix of "All of Me" by John Legend. "It's the most beautiful thing called EDM. Now, I am giving you a once in a lifetime offer. Be part of my group, and you can be the best jazz pianist ever."_

 _Clyde's offer gets Sebastian thinking. Since he wants to impress Leni and make his dreams come true, he takes the time to decide if he should pursue it or not. At that night, after his date with Leni, he serenades to shrug all of his worries at the bay._

 _"City of stars, why you worship fakery?_

 _City of stars, why you hate reality?_

 _Oh no, is this kind of feeling wonderful?_

 _Or one more heart that I will break through?"_

 _With no other career choice, Sebastian agrees to Clyde's offer. For the next months, with their relationship still compatible, Sebastian joins with Clyde's band in a nationwide tour while Leni goes to numerous auditions but fails all of them._

 _She auditions for a role in a princess movie, but the judge (a ferocious Lola) rejects her. "Too beautiful. Too charming. Not good. Next!" the judge berates her._

 _She then auditions for a part in a horror movie, but the judge there (a worm-mongering Lana) ignores. "Uhmm dear, what did you say? Sorry, I was busy listening to the audition of my star, Wormy," the judge says._

 _She next auditions for a title role in a sci-fi movie, but the talent scout (a judgmental Lisa) discards her for her misunderstanding of science. "I do not accept small-town lasses who fail to differentiate urine for uranium," the scout gives her consensus._

 _She even tries out for a role in a diaper commercial, but the evaluator there (a cranky Lily) keeps on blabbering gibberish. "I am sorry. I do not understand what you are saying," Leni says from hearing Lily spouting more gibberish._

 _Tired from all the auditions she went through, Leni drops herself to her bed._

 _On Sebastian's absence, she keeps pining for her boyfriend to be with him. She never feels other consolation than him. Not even her party-going friends are able to help. Worse, she loses her job as a barista, and has a load of debt on her pocket. Though she receives monetary funds from his payroll, Leni longs to be with him. But her heart goes through confusion. Uncertain about where her life and her romance will lead to, she contemplates this through song._

 _"City of stars, why it's expensive to live this far?_

 _City of stars, not everyone who lives here is a star_

 _Oh oh, it's hard to imagine how this would end_

 _But at least I had a Ryan Gosling lookalike with me_

 _But here's to the kids who dream_

 _Those movies you watched may seem_

 _To lie with every scene_

 _Here's to the fools who say_

 _Forever can make a way_

 _It ain't all true what you see_

 _They're just wanting all your money_

 _But this girl ain't quitting_

 _She's gonna do all again"_

 _Suddenly, a honk echoes to her room. It turns out to be Sebastian, who just arrived from his tour. Seeing that, Leni rushes to him and they both embrace. It took so long for them to be together again. And now, they cherish this moment with overwhelming tears of joy._

 _"Oh Leni…" Sebastian says._

 _"Oh Sebastian…" Leni says._

 _"I miss you."_

 _"I miss you too."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"I love you too."_

 _"Let's take it to the next level."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Us. Together, let's fulfill our dreams."_

 _"But what happened to Clyde?"_

 _"Forget about Clyde. I quit the band. We kept playing 'Juju on that Beat' for the entire tour. I can't stand that song. By the way Leni, I heard about this." Sebastian then shows Leni a poster for an audition for a Clueless remake._

 _"No way!"_

 _"A friend of mine gave this to me after seeing you audition for that baby commercial. This is our moment Leni!" And with such joy in their hearts, they finally kiss. It is so much of a dream come true for them to kiss. All problems nad worries fade away, as they feel the love to each other._

 _"Oh Sebastian, I can't wait for this!" Leni expresses her excitement._

 _"You can do this, Leni!" Sebastian encourages her._

 _They then return to their embrace, as they know for that time that things are going their way._

 _The next day, Leni takes the audition and, guess what, she passes it in a single sweep since the role of Sheryl clearly fits her. From there, Leni's career flourishes, and she finally have her dreams come true. As for she and Sebastian, who keeps himself in one hundred percent support for her, they eventually get married and have one child. With everything going the way that made them both happy, they all live happily ever after._

* * *

With that, Lincoln might have ended his story.

"Awwww..." the girls react from cuteness of Lincoln's tale.

"I say that's cheesy to the utmost rate," Lucy comments, "Though if I have to be critical, it is really cliched, Lincoln. It feels artificial and Hollywood-inspired.

"Well, I say I love it. I love the story," Leni remarks, "I love it! I love it from the bottom of my heart!"

Feeling he claimed victory, Lincoln replies, "Really? You love it? Because I am not yet finished with the story."

The sisters are at shock with this.

"Not yet finished?" Luna reacts.

"Well, if I may," Lincoln then continues, " _However, things didn't work what Leni had imagined. Instead, she was still crying at her bed..._ "

Suddenly, Lori bolts out in fury as she realizes that Lincoln might have placed an unhappy twist to an already happy love story. By that, she actually snatches Lincoln's story and stomps it onto the ground like a jumping brat. "No! No! Don't literally ruin the already happy ending for us!" she lashes out.

Everybody is stunned at Lori's sudden gesture. Well, it is expected from the frequently infuriated sibling.

"You just ruined Lincoln's story," Lana utters.

"Well, that's unfair. We won't know the hoppy ending. Hehe. Get it?" Luan humorously adds.

"Though that's kind of a relief," Lisa says, making Lincoln raise his eyebrows, "I need romanticized junk food literature out of my sanity."

"Well, I still love it, Lori," Leni come to the defense of Lincoln's story, "Maybe I should give him win."

But Lola and Lynn are not accepting this. "We haven't told our stories yet!" Lola berates.

"Yeah, I put my fist to writing. And it hurts!" Lynn complains.

"Fine," Lori settles the deal, "Lynn, your turn."

"Oh, with pleasure," Lynn cheerfully says as she proceed in front of her siblings, "Now, I know I am not a good writer. But my story is a good one. And it's called 'Love Yourself'."


	3. Leni at the Bat

It is the tale of how the team was won, how the Royal Woods Major League Team had won. But let me begin with why it matters that they won.

You see, back last 1945, when the Royal Woods Shepherds were on a game against the Troy Goats, their fiercest rival, the Royal Woods citizens noticed a particular fan on their side. But not a fan of theirs. He was supporting for the opposing team. He was known as "Billy" (Mr. Grouse), and he had a billy goat named…"Goaty".

The Shepherd fans were insulted by the presence of a fishy watcher and his smelly hoof monster that they told him to leave. Billy had this to say to the haters, "Them Sheep, they ain't gonna win no more! Mwahahahaha!"

Everybody did not take his word seriously until the results of the game came: The Shepherds lost in every World Series. Sports analysists tried to figure out what made them lose all the time. Weather forecasts could not even predict right. Recruiting players seemed tragic when no one wanted to a loser team. The citizens had lost their faith in the Shepherds. And thanks to this curse, the Royal Woods Shepherd were called "Royal Woods Sheep" instead.

That is until 2016, when the Shepherds take the field against another team, the Kerr Bears, semifinals before the Championship round. Their coach, the incomparable Lynn Durham Weslin (of course, Lynn), steps forward to inspire her all-girls team:

"Already ladies, you know what we're here for. And it's not being ladies. Though technically, we are. But whatever. We are lady…warriors. According to Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. But we're not Titans, and I'm not Denzel Washington! I'm Denzel Washington's fact checker. And the fact is this is our moment to win. Remember ladies, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get a spin-off that sucked and legends got stuck in the hidden temple, and sucked. But we're warriors."

But one of the teammates, a player named Lori Keller (Lori), reminds her, "Uhmm, I thought we're Shepherds. You know literally, the name of our team?"

"Actually, we're called Sheep by the media that was subsequently changed by out promoters," a teammate named Lisa Field (Lisa) sarcastically corrects her.

But with her resounding voice, she coaxes her team inspiringly, "Ladies! I don't give rats to what the media says. We are gold as warriors. We must state that we are warriors. So that technically we must be Golden State Warriors, or we will end up like Cleveland!"

The girls were shocked when I mentioned Cleveland. So, I kept going, "Now, let's do this! Gloves and bats in the middle!"

At my command, we place our gloves and bats together and throw them in the air. Though we just only realized that we also threw our bats in the air.

"AHHHHHH!" we go dodging the falling gloves and bats. Everyone is safe, except for Lisa, who got hit in the head with a bat.

But thankfully, she has a cranium made out of diamonds. Though, she still suffers from a concussion. So, we sent her to the hospital.

Her last words (though she's not dying) to us were, "Get your…head…in the…game…"

It is a time of grief. But not a time of wasting. So, the goal is set to find a replacement batter. The Sheep's manager, Mr. Greed Hackman (Lincoln), tells me about this, "Well, that seems the latest of our victims. You'll be answering to that 'cause the bank can't."

I spit to the ground, just to show how serious I am. I snarl at that greedy bastard, "You know, you can keep your wallet in your pocket. I have my team winning."

"So, how will you find another batter?" he confronts me this fact, "Just to remind you that Lisa is on 80% of your merchandise. She's out, the team will be out, and you ladies will be endorsing ShamWows and _Alpha and Omega_ movies for life."

But I strike back to the representation of every sports team owner, obviously the evil corporate businessmen, "Pipe it, Hackman! My team ain't mediocre! We'll do something."

Then, a miracle arrives in the form of a news from assistant coach Lucy Gherig (Lucy). "Hey coach, may I advise to bring Leni to the field?"

"Who in the Wrigley field is Leni?" I ask.

She leads us to the field outside where we see Leni practicing her swinging of the bat. There she goes thwacking and swaying the wooden bat like a fencing sword. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former grasshopper, now, about to become Royal Wood's premiere batter. It looks like a mirac…it's in the air! It's in the air! It's in the air!"

The three are impressed with this amazing performance.

"Seems good. Alright, bring her in. Make sure she does well. If you build her roster, mint will come," Mr. Hackman suggests, right before putting on his shades like Horatio Caine and leaving the field.

"What's her real deal?" the coach asks.

Lucy then scans to her clipboard, "Well, she's Danielle E. Leniger. The team calls her 'Leni'."

Convinced, I instruct, "Bring her in."

With that, Lucy escorts Leni towards the bench.

"Oh coach, I can't believe for all this time in the bench, I get to be a star," Lynn expresses her excitement.

"That's music to my ears," I say. "Now, experience. Pitching?"

She answers, "Well, I joined the Barden Bellas acapella group…"

"No, not that pitching! I mean pitching!"

Definitely enough for the loyal but clueless player, she tries to interpret what her coach is talking about. "You know, throwing the ball?"

"Oh! I used to throw trash like a basketball. But now I throw them properly."

I groan at her cluelessness. But as a coach, you have to be patient with your team. So, I continue to test her. "Alright, so zero in pitching. How about batting?"

"Oh, there's lots of that. I think I like staying up in the dark, sleeping upside down and hear sounds from faraway places."

Rather than me being angry for that, I still have faith. "Well, good. But how about using a bat?"

"It's fun. I used it to smash pumpkins, smack mailboxes, whack moles, rid of beehives and for baseball too."

"And how do you use it for baseball?"

"With the goal to hit the ball."

Seeing the potential sprung out of her, I decide to bring her to the games. "Good. Let us go win us a championship!"

The game is on for the Shepherds against the Bears, the Kerr Bears.

The anticipation is on, flowing in my bloodstream. I can feel it from the voice of Denise Miller's (Luan) commentary (saying "Well, we just have to see if the Shepherds get the Bears out of the field. Or else, a sheep-storm will happen. Hahaha. Get it?"), the time the national anthem has been sung by Luna del Rey with her electric guitar, and the moment when a player, Clyde Kaepernick (Clyde), kneeled during the anthem. I don't know if that is good, but I digress.

There go my players, Lori Keller, Lucy Gherig, Lola Madonna, Lana Lang and of course, the rookie but star-in-the-making, Leni.

She steps on the first base for her very first game. On the pitcher's mound is Tenderheart Berra, a distant cousin of the way too talented Yogi Berra. He might as well throw pies and steal picnic baskets.

But he is not my Leni, who is nervous at her first commercial game, a World Series championship in fact.

"Well, Cinderella story," she motivates to herself. "But Cinderella is a klutz, isn't she?"

"Play ball!" the umpire, Grumpy Barr, shouts.

One practice swing of the bat, and Leni hits the grumpy umpire. Not bad.

"Oh sorry!"

"Watch it, player!" Grumpy growls at the fact Leni accidentally removed his headgear from swinging.

At the sound of a whistle, the pitcher throws the ball, but Leni keeps swinging the bat that she misses.

"Strike one!"

However, Leni's uncontrollable swinging causes her to throw the bat to the pitcher, hitting him by the legs.

With that, the opposing team's manager calls for a timeout to drag Tenderheart to the infirmary. The medics get there to drive him out, not before doing a "You're dead" sign to Leni. She does not take this well.

"Woah, I guess things are getting batter for rookie," Denise comments hilariously, "The hit is on. Hahahaha! Get it?"

The game then continues with another pitcher, Berth Dei Barre taking the mound. He even gives a warning, "You knocked over my friend. You don't care a lot of him. So, I'm gonna scare a lot of you!"

"That's kind of a bad pun," she utters to herself. But she won't be bogged down by a warning from merchandise, would she?

Berth throws the ball, but Leni misses it. She keeps swinging and swinging the bat, as if she is exercising her arms. Thanks to that, she accidentally hits Grumpy by the back of his neck, knocking him out.

"Sorry! Sorry Gummy Bear!" Leni apologizes.

"It's Grumpy Barr, halfwit!" the umpire berates her. This makes Leni cry.

Another time-out is called on, and the same paramedics team carry Grumpy away from the field, also not before Grumpy warning this, "Stick to braiding your hair" before he passes out with sticking out his tongue.

But this is a downfall for Leni, who keeps crying for making mistakes one point to another.

"Are you crying?" I ask her. But she cannot stop crying. So, as a coach would do, I scold at her, "There's no crying in baseball! There's no crying in baseball! I made you a batter, and by definition, no crying in baseball!"

But she keeps crying.

"Oh, what is this we're seeing?" Luan relays the events, "It seems rookie Leni is weeping on the field. Better call Tom Hanks, so she may 'cast' her 'away'. Hahaha! Get it? But still, this is a 'big' problem. Hahaha!"

"Great! Lucy, send some help here!" I groan and just leave here on the field. The game is still on standby as the Bears find another umpire.

But Leni keeps crying. "Why do I always screw things up?! Maybe, I'm not cut out for this

However, hope for Leni comes in the form of a man from the audience.

"Hey Leni!" the man (a Hugh lookalike, or probably just Hugh in the flesh) calls her.

She runs to him. "Who are you?"

"I am Fortune."

"Oh, fortune. So, you're gonna tell me something?"

"Well, technically yes but…"

"Oooh! Oooh! So where's your wheel? Or do you have cookies? Or…?"

"Nope, Leni. I'm here to motivate you."

"Ohhh…"

After moments of too much convincing, Fortune gives his word to Leni, "Leni, I'm here to the clichéd motivational speech to you, just because I believe in you. And just as what the real Fortune said in the movie _Rudy_ , ' _In this lifetime, you don't have to prove nothing to nobody, except yourself, and after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen._ '"

"Ohh…so I have to…what exactly?"

"You have to be the very best no one ever was!" Fortune repeats. "Strive for the goal. And you'll be the best."

At his words, Leni feels the power of his motivation. She receives and digs on it. "Okay, I think I can do this."

"Do it! Just swing that bat and hit the ball!"

With that, Leni gets pumped, and she then runs back to the field. But not before asking back to Fortune again, "Wait, how about you?"

"Oh, I will just stand by here until some baseball played cried, and I'll be there to motivate them. It's part of my contract."

"Oh…but if in case I'll miss the ball, do you wanna hangout after the game?"

"Uhmmm…let's see."

After that quick, abrupt moment, Leni runs back to the field as the game resumes. She gets back to the base, where she sees the new umpire, Cher Bern.

"Hello there!" she greets her in a friendly way.

But Cher is not too kind. "Snap out of it, you loony!"

Leni feels the offense, but she shrugs it off. She then prepares for the pitcher to throw the ball.

Everyone watches this moment, being the time who shall advance to the World Series. Is it for the Bears? Or for the Shepherds?

One thing is for sure: Leni has her eyes on the pitcher. Somewhere in this favored town, the sun is a burning light, Luna is playing something, and something favors are bright, and somewhere fans are shouting, and somewhere fiends come to shout. But on that moment, there is not joy in Royal Woods. Mighty Leni has struck out!

Everybody is jaw-dropped at this unbelievable feat. And not in a good way.

Just like that, the day does not end well for the fans. They boo Leni off the field.

"That's a heart-breaker," Denise comments.

"Well, that's it. I'm going to buy the Chicago Cubs,"

There she goes, sad and despondent that when she walks back to her dugout, she accidentally pushes a Bear player that causes a domino effect that affected the other Kerr Bears.

As Leni walks out of the field, I call her back to give her something. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Well, I…blew the game. So I just thought of quitting. Everybody hates me," Leni answers back.

"Yes, the fans hate you. The manager hates you. The team hates you. I 1% hate you, so that means I hate you less," I reply.

"That helps?"

"Although, the Kerr Bears suffered an unexplainable injury in their dugout. I don't know what happened, but it means thanks to their injuries, their team cannot perform. So…"

"We?"

"We technically lost, but we advanced to the Championship."

"Really?! Wait, do the rules work that way?"

"Oh, why bother? It's our world, player."

"Goodie! I'll tell the great news to my date!" Just like that, Leni runs towards Fortune, who is just waiting from his car next to the field. Well, Leni struck out, so this answers her bet to Fortune that they get to hangout after the games.

All is good for Leni. Eventaully, we win the championships. She and Fortune get married, and host their own cooking show. Lisa unfortunately gets paralyzed and ends up like Stephen Hawking. Lori becomes a Hostess cake. Lucy hosts her own episode of _Saturday Night Live_. Denise ends up in a Comedy Central Roast. Lana and Lola become mime performers in Paris. Luna becomes a Broadway performer in the orchestra pit. Greed ends up on community service after stealing candy from a puppy. And I, yours truly, is about to be inducted in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame.

The end.

* * *

"Now, that's the end," Lynn proudly finishes her story. "Okay, now where's my freedom?"

"I got to say, if I have to pick this or the byproduct of recycled perishable vegetation being used to produce fertilizer, I would pick the fertilizer," Lisa sardonically replies.

"But I like it. It had a happy ending," Leni says.

"Hey, I'm no Steve Jobs, but at least I made a story," the athletic junkie brags, "Now, where's my victory?"

"I don't literally think so," Lori disagrees with her.

"But I like it," Leni tries to defend her.

"It's a so-so for me, dude," Luna reacts.

"Yeah, me too. And just for a record, Steve Jobs is not an author," Lincoln clarifies.

"Well, whoever gets to write on a book. At least I made one, and it was victorious!"

"Ahem!" Lola cancels her out, "Not so fast. Because you're not gonna leave me out!"

"Oh yeah, you haven't told your story!" Lana replies, "Bet it's gonna be lame!"

Annoyed by Lana's bantering, Lola smacks her in the face and moves on, "No, it's going to make you lame. This is a piece I call… _Danger Things_."

As the siblings pay attention to Lola's story, they can feel the main theme music from the popular Netflix show, composed by Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein, flowing to their ears. Cue Eggos.


End file.
